Fights Over Writing Assignments? How to Help from Kirk Martin of Celebrate Calm

You have a child with a busy brain. Everything feels like it’s out of control inside. That’s why your kids appear bossy; cheat, quit, or change the rules when playing board games; struggle with transitions and changes in plans.

It’s also why your child may struggle with writing. Most of our kids can talk about the ideas in their head pretty easily. But then you and teachers say, “Complete this written assignment or essay.”

And your child crumples his paper. Throws it on the floor. Refuses and melts down. Is your child just being difficult? No.

And you need to listen. Because if it was easy, they would just do it instead of getting yelled at and losing all their privileges.

It’s difficult because getting all those swirling thoughts from head to paper, organized, and put together is extremely taxing. More than you may imagine. Plus many of your kids have dysgraphia, which makes it feel like you’re writing with your opposite hand.

And then you have the pressure of an adult lecturing you to write neatly (which you should NEVER do!) under the pressure of an arbitrary time limit.

Listening to intense music while chewing or standing up can help improve the writing process. But it goes beyond that.

When you listen to and read through the No B.S. Instructional Manual, you will hear me go through a process I taught over 1,500 kids in our home.

You have to get your child to “vomit” those thoughts out of the brain and even encourage your kids to be messy when they do their brain dump. Why? I can’t explain it in a brief newsletter, but the point is you have to learn how your child’s brain works, not how yours works.

Another secret? Acknowledge and normalize how difficult the process is instead of shaming your child for being slow, procrastinating, or not applying himself. That will kill your relationship and confidence. “Of course it’s difficult, but I believe you can complete this by…”

That’s powerful language and a completely different way of completing writing assignments. I know it may not sound logical, but the way you’re doing it results in fights and tears every time. So why not try a different way?

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